The Murder Octopus

It turns out that we have taken passage aboard a straight-up pirate ship.

This wasn't entirely clear at first, but since it was Captain Caine who booked passage, I suppose I should have predicted it. I had at first naively mistaken him for a regular ship captain, perhaps an armed merchantman or naval vessel. It hadn't occurred to me that he might have been a privateer. I'm not entirely happy about this situation - especially in light of subsequent events - but there's not much I can do about it now. I have thrown in my lot, and I have to live with the consequences.

The ship's captain is perpetually drunk. Quite frankly I'm surprised he's capable of maintaining the duties of a captain. I strongly suspect that he takes what amounts to a ceremonial role on board ship, which is actually run and directed by the first mate - who is imaginatively called "Number One".

The voyage was at first largely uneventful. I spent the time conjuring minor illusions to amuse myself - occasionally at the expense of the dignity of some of the crew. Fortunately no-one noticed my meddling. If they had, I suspect I would have found out the meaning of the word "keelhaul".

About a week in, we drew nigh the Moonshae Isles - a dangerous area, according to the captain. Though the captain's concern was more for the potential for "booty" - by which I assume he means plunder.

I volunteered for some sentry duty, as I can see better in the dark than most humans. The ranger Berrian took position in the crow's nest and I looked out over the bow. It was dark and foggy, but as we rounded a headland, I could see a bright glow, as if from a fire. Alas, if I knew then what I know now, I would never have alerted the crew.

There were two vessels - one was on fire, and the other appeared to be boarding it. I assumed that we were intending to rescue the striken crew from raiders. We boarded longships and came abeam of the intact vessel, intending to board her. But we were spotted. The ship's crew opened fire with crossbows - fortunately not hitting anybody. I had the foresight to turn invisible, so none of the crossbows were aimed at me.

As Berrian, Caine, and the thoroughly ridiculous Buff DeBuff climbed ropes to board the ship, I chose a far more sophisticated method, and translated myself through space directly to the deck. I had hoped to assist the boarders, but our ship's crew swarmed aboard before I had a chance.

Buff and Caine could not have been more different during this fight. Buff was, as usual, brash and loud, shouting challenges and drawing a lot of attention to himself. Caine, on the other hand, drew a rather sinister-looking greatsword and started slaughtering enemy crew with what appeared to be glee. I did not like the look in his eyes as he disembowelled a fourth crewman.

Buff of course had headed for the toughest-looking fight - the raider captain, who was dressed in a fine doublet with many buttons and a big hat. He sported a magnificent beard.

Still unseen, I searched around for any way I could help. I spotted what appeared to me to be a team of pirates carrying loot and prisoners off the damaged vessel and saw my opportunity. It spoiled my invisibility, but a well-placed fireball destroyed the gangplanks and quite a few of the apparent pirates. Captain Big Hat was just barely out of the radius of the explosion and his magnificent beard was terribly singed. He engaged in one-on-one combat with Buff and appeared to be taking the upper hand. But Caine, apparently drunk with bloodlust, came along with his greatsword and ended the fight in a very bloody fashion.

I looked around, and noticed the unsophisticated elf Berrian engaged with the helmsman - a large bare-chested man with a heavy maul. I sent a few darts of force his way to help before renewing my spell of concealment.

The battle won, "our" crew began to loot the ship. A number of them went below decks to the cargo hold. Shortly thereafter a number of gurgling screams were heard from the hold. Invisible, I went to investigate.

I found them - or rather, I found bits of them - they had been torn apart and their various body parts flung about the hold with what appeared to be great force. I suspected a fiend of some kind, but I could see nothing. I bided my time, knowing that Caine, Buff and Berrian would also be coming to investigate.

Berrian went to check the aft hold while the rest of us went forward. We still couldn't see what had caused so much carnage. Buff and Caine spread out to search the forward hold when the creature revealed itself. A huge cephalopod had camouflaged itself as a bulkhead. Fascinating.

Of course, it lashed out at Caine and Buff, catching them both. It wrapped a tentacle around Caine and drew him towards its horrid beak, but planting one foot on either side, Caine thrust his sword down the creature's gullet. There was not a lot I could do except help with more magical missiles, and I was becoming weary - I could no longer generate as many darts as I had earlier in the fight. I was keeping a magical reserve for a powerful translocation spell in case of emergencies, but soon I would be down to my cantrips.

Fortunately we were able to damage it enough that it escaped through the hole it had made in the hull of the ship. Determined not to let it escape, Buff and Caine raced up to the deck to try and find it. Buff had the brilliant idea of trying to search for it in the longship. It worked. The creature grabbed the boat and capsized it, dropping him into the water. Caine and several of the remaining crew grabbed harpoons, and I sent the last of my darts at the creature, finally killing it.

I requested that the crew haul the beast on board, which they did, and while they continued to loot the ship, I set about dissecting it. It had a fascinating anatomy, and I will include my complete notes along with this package. I was able to recover some of the creature's ink, and Caine appropriated some of its tentacle claws for a necklace.

It was while I was working on this task that the real story of what we had done emerged. It was not a raider that had fired and looted the ship. What we had assumed to be the raider was an escort. An accident aboard the second ship had started the fire, and the crew of the escort were recovering its cargo. Those that I had assumed were bound prisoners were actually bandaged survivors.

It was most unfortunate that it was my fireball that killed them. I regret that. But as they say, when on board a pirate ship, do as the pirates do, unless you really want to be thrown overboard.